It sounds silly to say that a TED Talk my mom and I listened to on NPR changed my life. Maybe thats an exaggeration. But for all intents and purposes, Meg Jays TED Talk ‘Why 30 is not the new 20’ got me to do some serious thinking about my own life.
If you want to travel in your 20’s, do it. Learn a language? YES. Launch a startup. Absolutely.
But whatever you choose, be mindful of it.
Basically what I got out of this is to be bold, take risks and not be afraid to fail in your twenties, because once you hit your thirties, those mistakes and those risks are a lot harder to recover from.
About a year ago I was dating someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about having kids, what kind of parents we’d be, our careers, about the dream house we’d build someday…and like a lot of things, it didn’t work out. I read a great quote a few weeks ago that describes my mental state almost to a T, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering which is familiar.” I was making myself miserable holding onto something that was dead. Cliche as it sounds, I had lost my identity to my relationship. Everything I was, everything I thought I wanted in life was tied up with one person. It’s pretty common. Because I had been leaning on this relationship for so long, I didn’t realize how much of myself I had lost in it. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. My impending identity crisis landed me in a cardiologist office with heart problems and severe anxiety, a Xanax prescription and the suggestion that I see a therapist. Like anything, time helps. Earlier this month, I finally cut the cord of the toxic relationship that I had been grasping onto for 4 tumultuous years. It was a little like ripping a band-aid off; it stung at first but I finally feel free.
Breakfast Club wisdom
In Meg Jay’s book, The Defining Decade, she talks about all these twentysomethings that are having an ‘identity crisis’. Thats where I was every other week through the last 10 months. On the couch with a bottle of wine and a Pizza Hut dinner box, watching Dr.Phil wallowing a supposed sense of failure. Failure to land a job right after graduation. Failure to keep my relationship together. The fact that I went through college and still didn’t know what I want to do with my life. Not studying abroad. I felt like I had failed myself. And maybe I did, but I couldn’t let it consume my life. I loved the advice that Jay gives during her TED Talk from her book..
“Forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital…Do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that’s an investment in who you might want to be next.”
Maybe I sound crazy but my mom said it best when she said, “You’re 22 years old. You’re single. You don’t have kids. You have nothing holding you here.” But she’s right. If I settle for something now, wouldn’t I be doing a disservice to myself? If I’ve learned anything in life its that the only regrets I have are the chances I didn’t take, the adventures I didn’t have, and the things I never said.
While I know that I could be extremely happy settling down and having a career and a family here, I know that deep down its not what’s going to fulfill me. My time to be a wife and soccer mom will come, but for now? Its time for an adventure. I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I figure instead of knocking on a few doors, if I just lean on all of them…one of them is bound to open.
To my parents, Mike and Jayne, my best friends Margaret, Savannah, Kady, and Kate, my sister in law Katie, and everyone else who has been there to support me and guide me through the last year…Thank you for your constant love. I couldn’t have done it without you!
xoxo/paige
PlatinumGiraffe 